Acupuncture Poetry?

I had an acupuncture appointment yesterday. My head felt about two sizes too small, and whenever I bent over and the blood rushed to my head, it was a most unpleasant experience.

Despite my weight, I rarely have high blood pressure, and when I do, I can generally feel it: a tic in my left eye when I’m under stress, or this shrunken head feeling. So I asked my brilliant acupuncture physician to see what she could do.

Jennie, bless her heart, stuck needles in my skull and forehead and my right ear. Most people don’t mind having their ears needled; I guess my ears are especially sensitive, because I tend to whine whenever she has to needle me there. Yesterday was no exception.

So she went looking for these self-adhesive magnets that she sometimes uses in my ears instead of needles (which have the added advantage of staying with you for several days), but the stickum wouldn’t stick. It is dreadfully humid down here right now, which may have had something to do with it. So we were stuck with the needles, as it were. The first needle was inserted into a ridge in my right ear. “That’s the hypertensive groove,” she explained.

Sounds like a song, I said.

Today she sent me this:

The Hypertensive Groove
by Jeannette Westlake, AP, OMD

My nerves are twanging like hot jazz guitars,
My head is pounding like a drum.
I’m as dizzy as Gillespie and I’m seeing stars
My pressure’s up over 300 millibars

Chorus:
I need that hypertensive groove
Something’s got to move
Those little tacks might help me relax
Acupuncture’s groovy, baby, to the max

When my pulse has got a syncopated beat
And I can barely struggle to my feet,
When I’m light-headed, and my face is red,
The cuff is pegging and I feel half-dead,

Chorus:
I need that hypertensive groove. . . .

Anyone care to set it to music?

By the way, everything is back to normal, blood pressure-wise. She’s a miracle worker.