“It’s Raining Cows Out Here, Man”

By now, you probably know that I have a thing for cows. I don’t know why I find them so endearing, or funny, or amazing, but I do. I love cow mythology. I love cow photos. I especially love cow jokes.

My favorite cow joke, from my friend Tim (at right, in all his glory):

A man is awakened in the middle of the night by a phone call. “I can talk!” shouts the voice on the other end of the line.

“How nice for you,” says the man. “It’s three o’clock in the morning, you jerk,” and slams down the receiver.

Five minutes later, the phone rings again. “I can talk!” says the gleeful voice.

“Seriously, I’m exhausted, I just want to sleep,” the man says. “Please don’t call back here again.”

Ten minutes later, just long enough for the guy to fall back asleep, the phone rings again. “I can talk!!” the voice says insistently.

“All right, that’s it. If you call again just to say, ‘I can talk,’ I’m calling the cops. Got it?”

This time it’s the caller who hangs up.

About twenty minutes later, the man’s phone rings. He steels himself for the encounter. “What?!” he demands.

The voice on the other end is quiet, almost plaintive, with this simple explanation: “I’m a cow!”

So you can understand that I was especially pleased to read this article in today’s news:

When a 600-pound cow tumbles 200 feet off a cliff on to your minivan, you aren’t really thinking about auto insurance. At least Charles Everson Jr. wasn’t.

“I’m just glad to be alive,” the 49-year-old chauffeur from Westland, Michigan, said from his hotel Tuesday in Manson, Washington. “It’s raining cows out here, man.”

Everson and his wife Linda, 39, were in Washington celebrating their first wedding anniversary when the 1-year-old rodeo stock cow landed on the hood of their 2006 Buick Terraza. The couple had just left a nearby church service and were traveling along Highway 150, near Rocky Point on Lake Chelan, about a mile east of Manson.

“I saw something hit and heard a ‘Wham!’ It happened so fast,” Charles Everson said. “I actually thought it was a deer.”

Miraculously, Everson kept driving.

“All of the sudden I’m looking at it, and I tell my wife, ‘It’s a cow,’” he said. “I kept saying, ‘I don’t believe it.’ I must have said that 20 or 30 times.”

Everson pulled over about a mile down the road. The minivan had extensive damage to the hood. “I wasn’t really thinking clearly and then I realized that I better pull over,” he said. Rescue crews took the couple to Lake Chelan Community Hospital for precautionary reasons. On Tuesday, Everson said he and his wife were fine. “It was just a matter of inches,” he said.

Sgt. Mike Harris of the Chelan County Sheriff’s Office said Tuesday the animal, which had to be euthanized after the crash, was a Professional Bull Rider-registered cow. “It was bred for rodeo,” Harris said. “It was not your normal cow in a field.” A breeder had previously reported the cow missing, Harris said.

Everson said the breeder was extremely apologetic. “He called me and said it had escaped from his ranch about a month ago. He really felt bad.”

Now, the couple is trying to figure out a way to get back to the Detroit area. They had driven the Buick out west last week.

“We came out here for relaxation, a quiet time,” Everson said while laughing. “You could say this doesn’t happen every day.”

Makes me wonder if Chris Stevens was somewhere nearby with an empty trebuchet:

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Categories: Animals, Humor | 9 Comments

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9 thoughts on ““It’s Raining Cows Out Here, Man”

  1. Helen

    This sent me on a hunt for a Gary Larson cow cartoon, but I was unable to bag one. Is the man in the picture Indigo’s Timbit?

    I love quirky stories like this. And thanks for showing a scene from a show I used to love; it brought back lots of good memories.

  2. It is indeed, Helen.

  3. This is one of my favorites:

  4. indigo bunting

    I love your blog when you’re writing it (aren’t I terrible)?

    Tim’s a bit thinner now, I think. We were just discussing this (photo’d) experience the other day with someone, but I’m forgetting who.

    I have to admit, this left me feeling sorry for the poor striper, who would have been released if the bluefish hadn’t gotten him, and for the poor cow.

    And BTW, are you going to get me the new Northern Exposure boxed set for Xmas? Amazon has it for just $135! You can’t afford not to buy it! But wait…looks like these DVDs were released WITHOUT the original music…uh oh. I may need to rethink this. So you don’t have to buy it for me today.

    Do I digress?

  5. NX without the original music? Unthinkable!

  6. Cows with Guns
    Toy Cows in Africa, Toy Cows.

    Just some of my favorite cow songs. Which I would happily send you, if you liked. I have a whole folder of cow songs.

    Along with a five minute segment from Garrison Keillor with Roy Blount JR and Paula Poundstone each doing their best to out-cowjoke each other.

  7. I know Toy Cows in Africa from another wonderful Northern Exposure episode — where Chris and his brother Bernard start dreaming each others’ dreams.

    I’d love to hear the whole folder. I’m mad about Blunt and Poundstone.

  8. I bet you’ve never seen this before,
    Craig:

    http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=wqc209-rwNI

  9. Got me there, Deloney. Never in a million years would I have paired Louis Armstrong and Johnny Cash. Never.

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