I’m Gonna Be Rich! I Think. Maybe.

I received this lovely email this morning. This one distinguishes itself from all the other Nigerian scams is that (a) it never actually says how much money I am due, and (b) they are excruciatingly clear about how much they want me to pay them.

Despite English being Nigeria’s only official language, it sounds like it was written in Hausa or Igbo and translated into French then re-translated into English. I have set my favorite passages in boldface.

Value Attention.

I resumed duty recently as policy harmonization chairman on public debt a committee set up by West African Monitoring Institution (WAMI) under the able presidency . My office monitors and controls the affairs of all banks and financial institutions here in Africa that is to tell you that I am committed to upholding and defending the constitution and laws of West African Monitoring Institution as well as achieving a higher level of public safety and security through the prosecution of criminals in the state.

The purpose of the committee among other is to investigate, verify and settle all outstanding total pending payment owned and Records before me have revealed that your payment has not been effected as a result of official negligence as your fund has been identified either as ghost file, unclaimed deposits, and over-invoiced sum etc; this is due to many abnormalities had happened in the institutions where some top official of the apex Banks are interested in your payment and they collaborate with impostors who are carrying a fake portfolios with levies misled and misguided about the position of your fund and having the opportunity to extort money from you that made it too longer up till date that explains why you receive different kinds of untrue emails and phone call from different people everyday.

so, be inform that we have concluded all the necessary arrangement towards the release of your payment but due to the prevailing situation worldwide on cash movement and transfer of huge sum of money, your payment has since being deposited with our (OFF-SHORE PAYMENT CENTRE) AFFILIATED TO WORLD ASSOCIATIONS OF DEBT MANAGEMENT OFFICES BANK OF AFRICA .Base on the information we received from our paying office today, as the truthfully beneficiary of this payment. you are responsible to pay $145 for your NON IMMIGRANT TRANSIT TAX as the authorities demand which we described as selective payment to enable the programming of the information in the micro chip compartment which will comply with bank of Africa to effect the transfer of your fund exactly on the particular date or period (24 hours) specified in the transfer script text for the fund to be made available to you any way you wish to receive it.

Please reconfirm your name,address and telephone to this Email: agentoffice76@yahoo.fr so that we can advice you on how to send the money across to enable us finalise this transfer this week.Your payment shall be made as soon as this information needed from you is submitted through our paying office by wire transfer or by a certify bank bond Africa Express Cheques all the transfer charges will be deducted from your total sum as long as you send the $145 for the programming of the information .the consequences of not adhering to this warning would be yours.Considering the circumstances at hand, you are advice not to accept any E-mail telephone calls that does not come from this office in regards to your payment this is to forestall new effort towards a diversion of your payment.

Accept our congratulations in advance.

Best regards,

Gen .Joseph Kone Guei

I’m thrilled. Remind me to buy you a drink, or maybe a house, once they give me whatever I have coming to me.

Categories: Humor | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “I’m Gonna Be Rich! I Think. Maybe.

  1. indigobunting

    Oh, please buy one of Chuck and David’s houses. And does this mean that you are safe from fire for now?

  2. Our governor, Charlie “I’m Straight, No, Really” Crist, was touring the burned areas yesterday, so it must be safe.

    A few more fires sprang up yesterday after he left, but they were very small and easily dealt with. And they have leads on the arsonist (though now there are rumors of there having been more than one, working separately).

    One sad note: One of the homes in Palm Bay that burned down belonged to one of the firefighters working on the blaze.

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